


this time i'm not leaving without you

by lucasashtons



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Bartender!Luke, M/M, exes meeting each other after years of not speaking au, started as a request on tumblr and wanted to post it here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-03-16 03:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3472850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucasashtons/pseuds/lucasashtons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Luke find himself looking back on his teenage years and wonders about things. He wonders how his old high school teachers are doing, if any of them have retired since he’s left. He thinks about his old classmates and if they are leading the successful lives they all dreamed about when the accepted their diplomas on graduation day. </p><p>Luke wonders if Ashton ever thinks about him. </p><p>or where Luke is a bartender in New York City when his ex-boyfriend comes in for a drink</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of a request I got from an anon on tumblr that snowballed into something much longer than a drabble. Enjoy :)
> 
> **I DO NOT GIVE ANYONE PERMISSION TO POST THIS ANYWHERE ELSE ******

Sometimes Luke find himself looking back on his teenage years and wonders about things. He wonders how his old high school teachers are doing, if any of them have retired since he’s left. He thinks about his old classmates and if they are leading the successful lives they all dreamed about when the accepted their diplomas on graduation day. 

There’s also that one very special person on his mind that he wonders about more than anyone else in the entire world. He wonders if they managed to find happiness in America, where they jetted off to after graduation to attend college in New York City. He’s curious if they’ve moved on, found someone that was willing to travel with them and follow them on their quest through New York. 

Luke wonders if Ashton ever thinks about him. 

They had broken up before graduation, when Ashton received his acceptance letter to NYU. It had always been a dream of his to travel to America and see what the country had to offer him, a boy from Australia whose only wish was to get out of Australia and see the world. Luke didn’t share the same dream, not understanding why Ashton didn’t feel comfortable staying home in Sydney with him. That statement led to fighting, which led to them parting ways and Ashton leaving. 

It’s been four years and Luke is still stuck in Sydney, miserable. Maybe Ashton was right about escaping: Sydney really was holding Luke back from doing what he wanted. He needs a change of scenery, a new place where his band could expand their wings and broaden their horizons. 

New York sounds like the perfect place to do just that. 

Luke packs up all of his belongings, most of them being shipped to an apartment he and his two other band mates are renting while in New York. His mother is misty eyed on the day he’s about to depart but she wishes him luck and that he calls when he lands. Michael and Calum say farewell to their parents as well, and before Luke knows it, it’s just the three of them on their way to New York City. 

The apartment is pretty decent for what they could afford, though there is only two bedrooms and one bathroom. Luke volunteers to sleep on the couch, earning no protest from his friends. The first night there they eat pizza on the hardwood floors of their living room, which is void of any furniture except for a TV that the previous owners left behind. 

It’s a dream, Luke decides. He’s living with his two best friends in one of the greatest cities in America. For the first time since high school he finds himself happy and no longer caged in boring Sydney, Australia. It’s better here, not just for his band, but for him. 

*

They managed to land a gig at a pub in Manhattan, a dingy old place that smells rotten but has great acoustics. Luke is grateful to have also gained a job from the experience, tending to the bar every weeknight. He meets a bevy of interesting people when he’s working, an array of characters that he strikes up conversations with every now and then when they are waiting for him to mix their drink. 

There’s Ashley, a girl with bubblegum pink hair that performs on some nights. Harry, a kind soul who stops in every now and then for some scotch and to flirt with one of the guys that is also a regular. Then there’s Connor, a Scottish boy that works across the street and the music store Michael and Calum scored jobs at. 

For six months, New York City becomes his home. Luke forms a routine there: he wakes up in the mornings and goes for a jog around the block before coming back and making breakfast for his band. After that he writes some new music for them to perform at their latest gig, and then he’s cooking dinner and heading off towards the bar for his shift. It’s nice, a wonderful change of pace from Sydney. Plus, winter in New York is much more beautiful than it was in Sydney. 

One of the colder nights in January finds Luke in the bar, working his shift as the snow falls outside. There’s a lot more people in there tonight, trying to escape the cold weather that nips at their noses outside. Luke doesn’t mind all that much, though he does have to work a lot faster than his normal pace to get drinks out to everyone. He’s the only one tending the bar tonight, Zayn having called in sick with the flu. Usually he’s here helping out with tending customers, but tonight Luke’s stuck with a lot of thirsty New Yorkers looking for a nice beer or cocktail. 

He’s mixing a Screwdriver when another person comes up to the bar, shaking their head of curls as they remove the beanie that had been resting on their head. “I’ll help you as soon as I’m done mixing this drink sir,” Luke tells them, finishing up the last bits of the drink before sliding it down to the woman who ordered it. He turns to face the guy that arrived and finds his breath catching in his throat. 

"Luke?"

It’s Ashton. After four years of wondering how his ex was doing, he’s managed to wind up right back to Luke in some dingy Manhattan pub. Luke imagined seeing him again differently, definitely not here. Ashton looks amazing, with his curly hair longer than it had been when he’d left, those dimples still prominent on his face, and the large, friendly smile that made Luke’s heart race still there. 

"Ashton," Luke breathes, his brain trying to acknowledge the fact that’s he is not imaging this. Ashton is really right there in front of him, in New York City. "How are you? How’s college been?" There are so many more things he wants to ask, so many more questions swirling through his head, but he can’t bring himself to ask them. 

"I’m alright," Ashton tells him, playing with the glove he’s removed from his left hand. He doesn’t sound alright, but Luke doesn’t want to pester him. Ashton wasn’t his to pester anymore. "I graduated early, been working down at the record company near the University. It’s stressful, but it’s what I’ve always wanted to do so I can’t complain."

That had always been Ashton’s dream, to work alongside music producers and create music. He’s always been gifted when it came so song, it was one of the things that made Luke fall in love with him. To hear that he’d accomplished his dream made Luke happy for his ex. 

"I’m so happy for you Ashton," he says, refraining from calling him ‘Ash’. It’s been too long, the nickname having been a sign of a friendship that was no longer there. If Luke was lucky, the could attempt to rebuild it, but he doesn’t want to push his luck. "That you got to live the dream, being here in New York and doing what you love. It’s nice to see you."

Ashton smiles at him, but it’s sad and appears forced. “Um, I guess I should order. Can I get a Jose Cuervo? Light?”

Luke nods, pulling a bottle out from the mini fridge underneath the bar and handing it to him. “Need me to start a tab or is that all you are having?”

"Tab," Ashton tells him, taking a long drink from the bottle. "I’m looking to drown myself in so much alcohol that I won’t feel a thing Lucas." His fingers drum against the table as his other hand grips the bottle. "What are you doing here, in New York? You said you’d never want to leave Sydney, yet here you are?" The words sound bitter, and Luke can feel the sting behind them. 

"You were right, about Sydney being a cage," Luke tells him, starting another person’s order as he speaks. "I felt trapped after high school, not wanting to go to college but also not wanting to do anything else. Eventually I decided that I needed to get out of Australia all together. New York seemed like a good place to get a brand new start, so I came here with Michael and Calum." He hands the drink off before storing the ingredients away. 

Ashton hums, taking in Luke’s words. “Still working on that band thing huh?”

"Yeah," Luke replies, taking Ashton’s now empty bottle and replacing it with a new one. "We’ve been performing here on the weekends for some extra cash while I work here. Mikey and Cal work across the street at the music store. Sometimes Mikey teaches some guitar classes in his spare time while Cal just, well, is Cal."

Ashton laughs at that, the beautiful laugh that Luke fell for the minute they had met all those years before. It still sounds as beautiful as it did back then and it makes his heart hurt. “So, you going to tell me why the long face?”

Luke’s words make Ashton stop picking at the label on the bottle, hazel eyes glancing up at him with sadness. “I just broke off my engagement, caught him doing some things he promised he’d never do again.” Another swing of the bottle. “I’m always falling for the wrong guy it seems, you know?”

He’s not sure what makes him more sad: the fact that Ashton was  _engaged_ or that he feels like he always falls for the wrong guy. Luke never thought he was wrong for Ashton, so the comment feels like a blow to the stomach. Ashton must sense this because now he looks sorry. 

"Except for you," Ashton admits, taking another swing of alcohol. "You always treated me like I mattered. You were good for me, real good." There’s a tear escaping from his eye as he speaks, thumb rubbing at the condensation that’s formed on the bottle of his drink. "Until I left you."

Luke never blamed Ashton for the break up. He thought of it as him letting Ashton follow his dream without Luke holding him back. After all it was Luke that wanted to stay behind in Australia, not Ashton. He hates to see Ashton blaming himself for this. 

"You wanted to follow your dream," Luke tells him, his voice soft. "I wasn’t going to hold you back from that. Ashton, you were far too good for Australia. You were a wide eyes dreamer that needed to escape and dream somewhere else. I wasn’t going to be the high school boyfriend that held you back because I was too afraid of change."

"Are you afraid now?" Ashton asks him, tears still shining in his eyes. "All those years ago you said you were terrified of leaving Sydney because it was different. Now here you are, working in a Manhattan pub that’s miles away from Sydney, telling me that you were too afraid of change. So I have to ask, are you afraid now?"

He was never one to lie. “No, I’m really not. Sometimes change is what’s for the best. I learned what change felt like when you left for New York. My whole world changed the moment you left to come here. I learned to adapt to it, and I think it’s made me realize that change is good.”

The bar isn’t as loud as it was before now, most of the people clearing out. Ashton’s the only one sitting at the bar now, still nursing his second bottle of Cuervo. The jukebox in the corner of the bar is playing some classic rock song that has people rocking out nearby it. It’s the same old scene Luke has seen almost every week night. 

"Change is good," Ashton repeats, smiling at Luke fondly. "So, have you happened to meet anyone here in New York that’s caught your eye?" 

The change of subject is what they needed, and it brings a smirk to Luke’s face. “Can’t say I have, though there is a guy that came in here tonight with the world’s most beautiful smile that I may or may not have my eye on.” 

He can see the moment Ashton catches on, his eyes twinkling and a short laugh on his lips. “Maybe you should go for it, he sounds like a pretty nice guy if you ask me. i have a weird feeling he’d say yes.”

Luke takes out the dirty rag the clean the counter, wiping down some of the rings from the drinks people left behind before smirking once again. “Well then, might as well ask before I let him leave again.” He leans forward, blue eyes sparkling with hope as they lock with Ashton’s. “How would you like to go out with me sometime stranger?”

Ashton grins. “I’d love to.”

*

Luke still wonders back to his teenage years every now and then. He still wonders about his old high school teachers and his old classmates, but he doesn’t have to wonder if Ashton thinks about him anymore. He doesn’t have to wonder if he found happiness in New York anymore, because whenever Ashton kisses him in the morning, when they are tangled up in the sheets of Ashton’s bed, Luke knows the answer. 


	2. Ashton's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton's POV, and how he came to reconnect with Luke that fateful day in the bar

Ashton wonders if Luke still thinks about him. 

They had broken up before graduation, when Ashton received his acceptance letter to NYU. It had always been a dream of his to travel to America and see what the country had to offer him, a boy from Australia whose only wish was to get out of Australia and see the world. Luke didn’t share the same dream, not understanding why Ashton didn’t feel comfortable staying home in Sydney with him. That statement led to fighting, which led to them parting ways and Ashton leaving.

It’s been four years now, and Ashton still wakes up some mornings with disappointment in his heart when the body next to him isn’t his blond haired, blue eyed lover from high school. While he’s truly in love with his fiance, he’s nearly the complete opposite of Luke: black hair, brown eyes, and dark skin. 

He had met Mason when he’d started attending NYU, the boy sitting beside him in Ashton’s photography course. He was dazzling, gorgeous, and after various dates they finally decided to be official nearly a year after Ashton arrived in New York. 

Ashton was in love with Mason, but it didn’t feel the same as when he had been in love with Luke. 

*

On a cold night in January, Ashton finds himself coming back to his apartment with a shocking scene laid out in front of him. His beautiful fiance, the one who promised him that he was getting better and he would stop  _for him,_ was on the couch, passing around what appeared to be lines of cocaine. 

“Mason,” Ashton chokes out, eyes tearing up as he watches his fiance drop the tray and dust their carpet with the drug. The people surrounding him look at him with sorry eyes, though Ashton knows they are far from being sorry. They scurry out of the apartment quickly, most of them tripping over their own two feet in an attempt to leave. 

Mason sits on the couch, as if trying to think up an excuse to get Ashton to stay. 

“Get out of my apartment,” Ashton stands tall, refusing to let this bother him. New York has made him stronger, capable of fighting his own battles. “I don’t want you here anymore.” He removes the ring, the promise, off of his finger and tosses it at Mason. “I’ll let you pack up your things, but I’m not going to marry you anymore. You get out of here, lose my number, don’t bother trying to work things out with me.”

“Baby,” Mason cooed, but it sounds different this time. “Please don’t do this. I have no where else to go.”

“I’m sure one of your drug buddies can provide shelter.” The words are harsh, bitter, but Ashton doesn’t care. He’s tired of empty promises and being hurt. Mason wasn’t going to clean himself up for Ashton, and it was about time the boy learned that. 

He doesn’t bother to listen to Mason’s begging, closing the apartment door behind him and heading out into the cold, January air. It nips at his nose and as he pulls his beanie back over his head he keeps his head down and heads towards the bar. 

He’s never been to the bar by his apartment, usually attending one downtown with Mason and his friends. It seems like a nice place, with classic rock playing on a jukebox in the corner. It’s not too busy at the moment, a few people scattered around, and he takes a place at the bar and awaits for the bartender to finish up with the Screwdriver he’s currently mixing before ordering. 

“I’ll help you as soon as I’m done mixing this drink sir.” He hears, and his heart nearly stops as the Australian accent hits him. It’s a voice he’s longed to hear again for so long, a voice that has always made his heart flip and swell. 

It’s Luke. 

“Luke?” He managed to choke out, and the boy turns. He’s still as beautiful as Ashton remembers, his face older and his muscles more filled out. His eyes are still such a gorgeous blue, and the lip ring Ashton remembers he was so excited to get still resting on his bottom lip, currently being sucked into Luke’s mouth as the boy stares at him. 

“Ashton,” Luke breathes. “How are you? How’s college been?” Ashton can tell there is so much more he wants to say, but the words are scrambled. Ashton feels that too. 

“I’m alright,” He tells him, playing with the glove he’s removed from his left hand. He knows he doesn’t sound alright, but he’s trying. “I graduated early, been working down at the record company near the University. It’s stressful, but it’s what I’ve always wanted to do so I can’t complain.”

It had been his dream, to make music. It was something that had brought he and Luke together, music. Maybe that’s why he wanted so badly to pursue it, was to keep something that reminded him of Luke with him. 

Luke smiles at him, and Ashton’s heart breaks a little more. “I’m so happy for you Ashton,” he says. “That you got to live the dream, being here in New York and doing what you love. It’s nice to see you.”

Ashton smiles at him, but it’s sad and it’s completely forced. “Um, I guess I should order. Can I get a Jose Cuervo? Light?”

Luke nods, pulling a bottle out from the mini fridge underneath the bar and handing it to him. “Need me to start a tab or is that all you are having?”

“Tab,” Ashton tells him, taking a long drink from the bottle. “I’m looking to drown myself in so much alcohol that I won’t feel a thing Lucas.” His fingers drum against the table as his other hand grips the bottle. “What are you doing here, in New York? You said you’d never want to leave Sydney, yet here you are?” He means for those words to be bitter, to show the still lingering resentment following their early arguments before Luke left. 

“You were right, about Sydney being a cage,” Luke tells him, starting another person’s order as he speaks. “I felt trapped after high school, not wanting to go to college but also not wanting to do anything else. Eventually I decided that I needed to get out of Australia all together. New York seemed like a good place to get a brand new start, so I came here with Michael and Calum.” He hands the drink off before storing the ingredients away.

Ashton hums, taking in Luke’s words. “Still working on that band thing huh?”

“Yeah,” Luke replies, taking Ashton’s now empty bottle and replacing it with a new one. “We’ve been performing here on the weekends for some extra cash while I work here. Mikey and Cal work across the street at the music store. Sometimes Mikey teaches some guitar classes in his spare time while Cal just, well, is Cal.”

Ashton laughs at that, and it’s a nice feeling to laugh after the night he’s had. He picks at the label on his bottle some more, a nervous tick he’s had since he could remember.

“So,” Luke says, making Ashton look up. “You going to tell me why the long face?”

Luke’s words make Ashton stop picking at the label on the bottle, hazel eyes glancing up at him with sadness. “I just broke off my engagement, caught him doing some things he promised he’d never do again.” He takes another swing of his bottle at the thought of Mason drugging up again. “I’m always falling for the wrong guy it seems, you know?”

It’s true too. His first year in New York, when he and Mason were being flirtatious, he’d had some flings. All them just wanted sex, and there Ashton was, heartbroken and willing. He hated that year, hated it more than anything. No one treated him right. 

Except for Luke.

“Except for you,” He admits, taking another swing of alcohol. “You always treated me like I mattered. You were good for me, real good.” There’s a tear escaping from his eye as he speaks, thumb rubbing at the condensation that’s formed on the bottle of his drink. “Until I left you.”

He hated the fact that he left. Maybe if he hadn’t been so consumed with the feeling of wanderlust, he could have realized what he had right in front of him. Luke was everything he could have possibly wanted, and more. 

“You wanted to follow your dream,” Luke tells him, his voice soft. “I wasn’t going to hold you back from that. Ashton, you were far too good for Australia. You were a wide eyes dreamer that needed to escape and dream somewhere else. I wasn’t going to be the high school boyfriend that held you back because I was too afraid of change.”

There was only one thing Ashton needed to ask once he heard those words.

“Are you afraid now?” Ashton asks him, tears still shining in his eyes. “All those years ago you said you were terrified of leaving Sydney because it was different. Now here you are, working in a Manhattan pub that’s miles away from Sydney, telling me that you were too afraid of change. So I have to ask, are you afraid now?”

He can see Luke think of his words, planning them carefully. “No, I’m really not. Sometimes change is what’s for the best. I learned what change felt like when you left for New York. My whole world changed the moment you left to come here. I learned to adapt to it, and I think it’s made me realize that change is good.”

The bar isn’t as loud as it was before now, most of the people clearing out. Ashton’s the only one sitting at the bar now, still nursing his second bottle of Cuervo. The jukebox in the corner of the bar is playing some classic rock song that has people rocking out nearby it. It’s comforting, it feels like the beginning of something new.

“Change is good,” Ashton repeats, smiling at Luke fondly. “So, have you happened to meet anyone here in New York that’s caught your eye?”

The change of subject is what they needed, and it brings a smirk to Luke’s face. “Can’t say I have, though there is a guy that came in here tonight with the world’s most beautiful smile that I may or may not have my eye on.”

Ashton laughs shortly at Luke’s words, and his heart is warm and filling up with love once more. “Maybe you should go for it, he sounds like a pretty nice guy if you ask me. I have a weird feeling he’d say yes.”

Luke takes out the dirty rag the clean the counter, wiping down some of the rings from the drinks people left behind before smirking once again. “Well then, might as well ask before I let him leave again.” He leans forward, blue eyes sparkling with hope as they lock with Ashton’s. “How would you like to go out with me sometime stranger?”

Ashton grins. “I’d love to.”

*

Ashton doesn’t have to wonder if Luke still thinks about him anymore. When he wakes up in the mornings, he now sees blond hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. It’s the beauty of the person he’s loved for as long as he can remember, the person he’ll love until the end of his days. 

Waking up to Luke tangled up with him in the morning, kissing him awake? It was more than anything Ashton could ask for. 

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr at lucasashtons :)


End file.
